I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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