remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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