Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
