i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
