i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
