yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
