I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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