Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
