Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize