I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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