I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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