the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
