You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
