It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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