so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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