I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
