I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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