I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my being single is dangerous.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
