"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
