I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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