theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
