Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
