atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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