It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
