im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
