why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
