I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize