We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
