i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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