He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
