I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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