I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
