Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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