A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
