I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
