After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
