That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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