Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
