Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
