I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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