i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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