wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
