In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
