I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
