You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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