She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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