New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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