I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
