FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize