i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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