i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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