Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
