Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
