I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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