So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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