ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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