why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We are all done wearing pants today
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