Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
