Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
