I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
