After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
