sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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