eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
