The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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