He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
