filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Less talking, more tequila
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
